Susan, writes, "If You're Going Through Hell, Keep Going" shares, "I've fallen and am struggling to get up." I know the feeling; but I won't pretend to know exactly what she feels. Personally, I don't believe such a thing is possible. Pain is individual---I do so very much relate to the sentiment, expressed however; and wish I could help somehow. There have been times I've been knocked down and couldn't get up for what seemed an eternity. I have struggled more than once in my life lost; gripped by fear, depressed and feeling virtually paralyzed---and stark raving Mad... It has never been any one thing that precipitates the descent to such a dark place; nor ever only one thing which enabled me to heal just enough to transcend the pain which consumed my mind, body and spirit. It is always a combination of things, feeding the spirit always comes first. (why do I always forget this?!)
for me, i realize a whole lot of my depression was really overwhelming grief and ptsd from repeated trauma. it is what it is. whatever i am feeling i gotta be willing to feel it, but i also gotta be willing to feel something else---be open to possibility and just be willing to believe, and willing to experience something better. about a week ago i finally said out loud the thing i am afraid to even think about too much, even though it's impossible not too. and acknowledge aloud i am grieving (again!) having my grief remain unspoken; kept me from being open to the gifts of the present---
i don't think i'll ever get get good at this, but i will be willing to keep on, and
when i'm down and it's a fight to regain my footing, i will remember this:
isaac has been cracking jokes every day for more than a week...and he cooked dinner a couple nights ago. elvis lives, "thank you, thank you very much." amen
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