"While there is life, there is hope."

"While there is life, there is hope." Cicero

via SAMHSA The National Center for Trauma Informed Care:

"SAMHSA's National Center for Trauma-Informed Care (NCTIC) is a technical assistance center dedicated to building awareness of trauma-informed care and promoting the implementation of trauma-informed practices in programs and services.

Traumatic experiences can be dehumanizing, shocking or terrifying, singular or multiple compounding events over time, and often include betrayal of a trusted person or institution and a loss of safety. Trauma can result from experiences of violence. Trauma includes physical, sexual and institutional abuse, neglect, intergenerational trauma, and disasters that induce powerlessness, fear, recurrent hopelessness, and a constant state of alert. Trauma impacts one's spirituality and relationships with self, others, communities and environment, often resulting in recurring feelings of shame, guilt, rage, isolation, and disconnection. Healing is possible. 

Although exact prevalence estimates vary, there is a consensus in the field that most consumers of mental health services are trauma survivors and that their trauma experiences help shape their responses to outreach and services."

There is no doubt in my mind that the difficulties that my children who are now grown men, and I have that are labeled as "mental illnesses" are the effects of traumas we have experienced.  It is more than a little sad that more often than not, when seeking help, these traumatic experiences and the impact they had were not seen from our perspective.  It is what it is, and all I can do now is try to move forward; reflecting on this part of our lives, causes a tremendous amount of pain and overwhelming grief.  It is difficult for me at times to transcend the mind-set of being a victim; which when thoughtfully considered, is not really all that surprising.   

The damage is most apparent in my youngest son, Isaac.  I can tell you that the repeated trauma that he has endured, had a traumatic impact on his brother and me as well, how could it not?  It is impossible not to take what was done to my son personally.  I have been treated with disrespect by people in authority who were negligent; later would actually demand my respect.  I can't respect a person who has harmed my son;  how could I respect people who had a duty to protect and help him; but chose to abdicate their responsibility forgeting the ethics of their professions and caused him further harm?  I don't believe I am supposed to either.  I will do everything in my power to keep my son from being further harmed.


The reality is, in my experience, those in authority seem to have no recognition that they work primarily for the people who come to them for help, as a public service to all of us. (not the government office or social service agency they get a paycheck from)  It is these individuals who commit crimes with impunity then continue to collect a paycheck, that are the biggest risk my son faces, indeed any child or vulnerable adult in the state biggest risk and the states biggest liability is the lack of legal accountability to follow the RCWs and WACs  that are codified. We can't have legally mandated reporters who routinely fail to file police reports as required by law; it is a Gross Misdemeanor crime. Police should be conducting investigations not social workers who have training in criminal investigation, legally preserving procedural and substantive due process rights, folloing the rules of evidence, and Standard Court Procedures. Dishonesty and lack of integrity does not prevent some professionals from continued "professional success" rising to positions above their individual levels of incompetence--public servants who who fail to report are failing to act with due diligence to the duty owed to the child or vulnerable adult, and they will do it again. THIS is the biggest most broken part of the system.  


The people who work in "the system," who were helpful to us had the spirit of being our partners,  although we didn't sign their paychecks, they worked with us as a team. The reality is they were not informed about trauma informed care, the important point is they were working in human services out of a genuine desire to help people, out of a love for humanity. These individuals may have been employed by a social service agency, or been a State employee; but the good ones were very easily distinguished from the rest.  The good ones know they really are working for the public to serve the individuals they provide services to. In my opinion, the good ones have a sense of mission, and a recognition of the true relationship between themselves and the public who come into their office and who directly benefit from the services provided by a public servant. Some just collect a check...


Some of the people who have failed my son have committed felony crimes which have caused him grave harm; none have been held accountable.  Some are still employed by the State of Washington or it's contractors; some have retired with pensions.  

Many of these experiences, "induce powerlessness, fear, recurrent hopelessness, and a constant state of alert" and often result "in recurring feelings of shame, guilt, rage, isolation, and disconnection" for me.  I have absolutely no doubt that they have, shaped my "responses to outreach and services."  I came here to heal and raise my children, because I was born here and felt connected to this place.  After eighteen years, I don't know that I believe healing is possible at least not here. I love the people and this valley; but I don't believe healing is possible here...


God Bless America and God save me from being angry...The thing I am most grateful for is the love my sons and I have for one another.  It is the bond I have with my children that makes life worth living, and the hope I have for all of us enables me to get through the day.  

photo credit Randy Wang